today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
