I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
