oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
