That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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