He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize