We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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