Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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