just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
