Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
