She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize