I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
