I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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