he puts the penis in happiness.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
