is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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