mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize