R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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