I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
