just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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