you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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