My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The maid of honor just puked.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize