Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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