TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
