trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
