This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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