You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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