My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
