I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
