my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
