My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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