he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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