Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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