True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
