i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
