When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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