Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
