last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
