Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
