So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
