so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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