Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
