WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
