the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize