Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
