gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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