only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
