soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
