My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
