Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
