how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
