I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
