I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
