dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
