Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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