you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
