you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
