he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
