fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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