I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
