Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
