the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
