he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i drank out of a bidet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
