Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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