I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
