I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
