so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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