I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
