fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
