I wish I only lived at night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
