i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
