My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
