I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just high enough for therapy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
