Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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