p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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