i think i have two assholes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
