Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
